F@$% The Marvel Cinematic Universe

This is the definitive ranking of the 13 MCU movies released so far, no arguments are allowed!  Violators of this policy will get their comments replied to with a stern frowny face.  So if you feel as if you can stand the fury of stern frowny face reply...BRING IT

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Part 1:   The one's I really liked

#1 :  Captain America:  The Winter Soldier (2014)

I like this one so much because it made Cap interesting.  Cap in the comics was meh.  The frozen for decades story was just ok in the original stories.  He went missing in 1945 and was found ~1965.   20 years is a long time, but you can still see society as it used to be.    70 years and literally everything changes.

Plus, its a great action film with kick ass fights.

#2:   Iron Man (2008)

This has been out so long, and so much has happened that maybe we forget how awesome this was!

Iron Man was a joke!  This was the Marvel Jay-Vee after they licensed away the X-Men and Spiderman.  Except, that RDJ is the perfect Tony Stark, and this was an incredibly entertaining movie!

#3:  Marvel's The Avengers (2012)

You know what this movie did (besides be gloriously fun)?  Redeem the Hulk.   Mark Ruffalo is the perfect Banner.  Serious Hulk is Serious can't carry a movie, because the CGI looks too ridiculous.  But Hulk with a pinch of Comic Relief is the proper amount of ridiculous.

Anyways, the culmination of the MCU's phase 1 was a well conceived ensemble movie.  The writers introduced all the characters before so they didn't have to rehash that again and instead was able to move onto the main story.

#4:  Captain America:  Civil War (2016)

Civil War was a great mixture of fun and serious.

You saw a friendship renew (Cap and Bucky) and one dissolve (Cap and Iron Man).  You saw actual consequences of the fight between the heroic factions.

But this movie also brought the fun.  There were great great moments of actual comic book fun through out this movie.

Part 2:  The mostly good but a cut below

#5:  Avengers:  Age of Ultron (2015)

The critic hive mind gives this one a mostly bad rap.  Yeah it's good, but not great.

In my opinion...this failed the expectations battle.  Avengers 1 was so much fun, how can this be anything but pedestrian?

Also, the MCU has a problem with signature arch-villain let down.  Ultron, Red Skull, and The Mandarin all failed to reach their potential.  In fact, to date the only MCU movie arch-villain worthy of that name is Loki (Purple Man and Kingpin in the Netflix series are both awesome)

And finally, AoU tries too hard with the quips.   By the end of the movie they were eye roll inducing.

But But But But...AoU is paced well, has a diabolical villain and heroes redemption.  Rotten Tomatoes puts it at 77%, which is in Iron Man 2 and Thor 1 territory.  And, that is a disservice.

#6:  Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)

I go against the critical hive mind once again!  Rotten Tomatoes score of 91!

I found this movie fun and very much worth seeing.  The Groot thrashing and smile was worth the price of admission on its own.

HOWEVER there is no MCU movie that dissolves into its oft repeated tropes more than GotG

Powerful Maguffin everyone is after?  CHECK

Heroic Redemption story?  CHECK

Band of protagonists able to put aside their differences and come together as a team?  CHECK

Bad Guy who hates everyone for Reasons?  CHECK

Climatic sky battle over a city?  CHECK

#7 Ant-Man (2015)

Honest Trailers basically slammed this as Iron Man retold at 1/64th scale.

And while at least partially true (and 100% funny), it's also overly harsh.  This movie made me care about a character with nearly the lamest powers available.  Shrink small and control insects?  And they made a movie about it?!?!?!?!?

Except Paul Rudd was great.  Micheal Douglas was great.  Evangeline Lilly was great.

So fairly good so far, except that the Yellow Jacket villain was meh.  And they spoiled the best shot in previews.

#8 Iron Man 3 (2013)

This barely makes my good but not great list.  There were infuriating things about it, but the things I liked, I liked a lot.

Like

#1 They got Tony Stark being a hero out of the f@#$ing suit.
#2  Extremis is a great Iron Man story arc.
#3 They got Tony Stark out of the f@#$ing suit.
#4 Ben Kingsley was great as Mandarin
#5 They got Tony...nm.

Hate

#1 Who was the villain really?  Oh wait, it was Aldritch Killian of Advanced Idea Mechanics.  Who else has trouble remembering that?
#2 They made Mandarin almost but not quite completely irrelevant.
#3 The ending.

#3 needs some elaboration.  Action movies in general, but especially Sci-Fi and Super Hero movies have a problem with sequels.  I call it the multiplication effect.  Each new climax has to be bigger and badder than ever.  Sometimes that doesn't work.   The Iron Legion all self destructing, turned an already busy complicated ending into a train wreck of explosion pr0n.

Part 3:  The Meh

#9 Captain America:  The First Avenger

This is the movie most likely to get a frowny face reply!

Here is why the movie is only meh.  The Pacing.

It takes way too long to make Steve Rogers into a super soldier and it also takes way too long to get him to Europe.  

But the setting with the dime store novel pulp tech, the cast and overall homage to the classic 1940s character was terrific.  Which partially redeems this.

#10 Thor (2011)

Thor almost needs to be graded on a curve.  This was a hard movie to get right, things could have gone south in about a dozen places.  Also, the MCU has a lot of movies I consider 'bridge" movies.  Lesser stories told to set up better movies.  Thor did a lot of the set up for Avengers 1.

Overall, I liked pretty much everything with Thor on Earth.  The 'fish out of water' scenes were especially fun to me.

Overall, I didn't like anything in Asgard.  Ok, the background and scenery was beautiful, but the story was dull dull dull.

Plus, Loki is the best Marvel Movie Villain yet.

 

Part 4:  The Not So Much

#11 Iron Man 2 (2010)

IM2 really suffered from the multiplication effect like IM3 but much much worse.  2 villains (Justin Hammer and Whiplash), 4 heroes (Iron Man, War Machine, Black Widow, Nick Fury) and one busy convoluted ending.

Another bridge movie for Avengers 1.  Just for the introduction of Black Widow I'm willing to let bygones be bygones.  But I never have to watch this movie again :)

#12 Thor:  The Dark World

Quick, who was the bad guy?

Quick, what was the plot?

Quick, did anything memorable happen in this movie.

#13 The Incredible Hulk (2008)

If you can't remember anything about Thor 2, but tend to forget that the Edward Norton Hulk was part of the MCU what does that say?